at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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