Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
