I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
