his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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