i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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