So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
