He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
