OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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