Just cropdusted the office
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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