I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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