please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
