Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
