Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
