My hand turned me down
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
