If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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