Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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