Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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