it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
