That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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