He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
