Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina just clenched in fear
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
