Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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