he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
