I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
