u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize