Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
