I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
