My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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