Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
