well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
