i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
