Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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