i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Panties = found
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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