he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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