Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
