someone owes me an orgasm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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