I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
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If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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