girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
