He asked to "fluff my boner.."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
third nipple confirmed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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