I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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