I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
