But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
