i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
