It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
