this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
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if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet