He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we made out on top of his cat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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