shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
