dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos