I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The ass gains better be worth it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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