the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
