ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
