After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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