I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize