Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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