My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
