You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
