im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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