just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
