I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
