That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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