Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
