her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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