i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
