i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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