Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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