can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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