im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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