no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
