White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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