Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
