so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
