Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
