I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
