I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
