I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I want to fling myself into the sun
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