real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
