Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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