peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
