note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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