Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
