Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
