Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
