Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
