I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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