I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
