Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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