i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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