Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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