I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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