New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
