I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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