I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize