best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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