quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
