im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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