the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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