Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
