I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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