listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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